How do these parts of you take on so much power? They are validated every single time you hide something from yourself. The negative becomes MORE true when you find yourself lying and hiding things. The lower self is the less evolved threat system self. Not reflective — not the intelligent you who knows what you truly want. The higher you, the reflective brain that you evolved past all the other animals to have — helps you live guided by your values and what you know you want regardless of the emotions you feel.
And because the shame is now overflowing, the trigger sets it off in an epic fashion — like the match to the powder keg. Aspire to be good.
Work hard. Get triggered or emotionally exhausted or both. Sober up in the aftermath in a paralyzing state of guilt. Guilt becomes self-hate.
Self-hate becomes depression. You are now living as the true form of the shame you believe deep down, in the hidden truth. Thus the shame-monster feels at home. And the shame monster grows mightier in its ability to control you.
You forget that you were struggling to stop yourself and you only see the shame monster in the mirror. But you have no control. I also know that there is a lack of good care in a lot of countries and small towns. I have been there myself — and that makes me very sad to know it happens to you, too. I believe there is someone who can help you — you must continue to seek it out. I would say get even more aggressive about seeking out treatment — I wish I could bottle my therapist and give her to the world — she changed my life.
Think of it as a way for you to begin to collect research FOR your starting point in your self-work. I want you to begin to ask yourself: What wound is this? What is crying out to be examined?
What are the danger zones? Where are you when this happens most? For example, I had my triggers during the day in an empty house, when I felt alone. A friend of mine had hers when it was dark out early in the day. It reminded her of when she had to go home afterschool and he dad would be there all crazy and drunk.
So begin to mark down the details of when you are most triggered. Keep a detailed account and look for any consistent patterns. What time is it?
Where are you? Is it a location? A type of situation? What emotion are you feeling? What does that feeling remind you of? What age does that feel like? In the moments you feel the tiny stirring inside of fear or guilt — the emotions that feed the shame monster — I want you to begin a practice of calling the feelings out — on paper.
Let the emotions and all the fears and the weird crazy stuff take on a physical form in black and white. Keep doing this. When you write about this feeling I want you to let it ramble — train of thought. It might just be scribble that you can barely tell make up words. The purpose behind this is that when you write something, you remove its power — you bring it out of your insides and you put it into the present external world. But as often as you possibly can — write down all the feelings you have when you begin to get fearful.
As a general habit — regardless of the trigger moments, journal to yourself. Look at yourself in broad daylight. Reduce it to what it is: a thought. This miracle pill is the only thing you need to start helping yourself. Do it whenever you hurt and feel hopeless or powerless. Book yourself into a 12 step meeting. Go to an exercise class. Schedule a therapist appointment. Whatever you do — STOP the indulgence in the shame and self-loathing, because that validates it.
Set up a list of these types of positive actions for yourself ahead of time so that you can just spring into action when your wits are not about you.
This is my work-out assignment for you! What you want to begin to know or identify, is that during the times when you feel triggered or upset — and you would normally act out or bury your feelings, you can instead WITNESS them going on inside you — just watch them yelling or thrashing inside, and do nothing about them. You are not your thoughts and feelings, but when you react, you allow them to control you.
Most of the time when we have powerful feelings we feel helpless against, we feel that we cannot change our reactions — when in reality, we just need to hone our ability to pause before doing anything. But no matter what it is, there are others who have faced the same thing and surpassed it — there are people who are weaker than you, less intelligent — with less resources. You are already on your way. You are not more broken than others or alone in your suffering.
YOU will be the author of how you choose to integrate your darkness with the higher self. You get to choose how you want to address the feelings, and how they are allowed to change your life. And yes, it can be incredibly scary — not to know whether or not others will accept you or still love you through your growth.
All you can do is start to work on yourself for them, and for you. This act comes from the best place possible. The fear of the outcome is a thousand times worse than the outcome. It loses its bite. Everything in life becomes simple around that truth. You get to choose how you want to integrate each emotion or impulse into your life. You get to decide who you choose to be, from your highest self. The self-abuse of lying is like a stab through the heart of anything good you might have felt about yourself.
It is from the place of honesty and openness that new windows open for you to grow into a different person — a person you love. Who you are proud of. Who you can trust. So just begin this process for the sake of gaining inner peace — and at the very least — forgiving yourself.
Before I close, I want to thank all of my monthly sponsors on Patreon and via my website — I appreciate you so much, thank you.
I am so excited to know I am helping and I will continue to invest myself into this work, especially because you invested in me. The reason you arrived at this place is logical.
The things you do come from a place inside you that make sense. You just need to walk toward the healing that needs to take place and from there — you can align who you want to be with who you are. You can become all of yourself, once again.
That new self can choose what to do despite the fears. Despite the urges. Despite the pain of any truth. You will know how to manage your anxieties in a healthy way. You will know what to do to process them. You will know the reality of your own power. Best of all, you will be recognize who you truly are — and what that self truly wants. Our darkness holds the key to all our light. That sounds super touchy-feely, but truthfully — these areas are what unlock the most profound happiness and joy in your life, once you address the beliefs and let them go.
You can unlock the bonus levels of life if you choose now to explore the purpose of this experience in your life. You will grow faster, make more dramatic change — and it will blossom your capacity for love and happiness. When I was in the darkest time of my life — I felt powerless against my own shame monster.
The monster made me do terrible things to people I love, but mostly myself. What I want to tell you more than anything — is commit. No matter how hard it is how long it takes or how scared you are to hold onto things in your life.
Because it is only when you treat your inner peace and happiness as a true goal, that you suddenly — for the first time in your life — can hear the solutions.
Accept the challenge before you. Where you are right now — this managing of the pain and the fear and guilt and loss — this is the worst of it. Facing the battle is the scariest part. Say you do and mean it.
And begin to take ANY step toward it right now. I literally mean right this second. Take one action toward giving yourself the support you need to heal. I am sending you much love, much support and all my well wishes. I sincerely hope this helped you, and if you want to read more on the subject I have posted a reading list below.
Smile lovely friends.. Home Love Why people ruin happy relationships. Why people ruin happy relationships. Sarah May Bates Updated Apr 18, pm. FB Tweet More. Shape of broken heart on brick wall. Words are both better and worse than thoughts, they express them, and add to them; they give them power for good or evil; they start them on an endless flight, for instruction and comfort and blessing, or for injury and sorrow and ruin.
Any man who tries to be good all the time is bound to come to ruin among the great number who are not good. Hence a prince who wants to keep his authority must learn how not to be good, and use that knowledge, or refrain from using it, as necessity requires. I love a good fight and I think a bad fight can ruin a movie.
I really do. Wealth, status, pride, are their own ruin. To do good, work well, and lie low is the way of the blessing. Le Guin. A man who wishes to profess at all times will come to ruin among so many who are not good. It's okay if you're intimidated by my overwhelming masculinity. I promise to take good care of you.
But let's be honest. I'd ruin you for other women, and I'm just too nice to do that to an adorable thing like you. Pleasure comes naturally as a by-product of pursuing something else, like the good of another person, and the best way to ruin pleasure is to make it your goal. But fear no more! I would not take this thing, if it lay by the highway. Not were Minas Tirith falling in ruin and I alone could save her, so, using the weapon of the Dark Lord for her good and my glory. No, I do not wish for such triumphs, Frodo son of Drogo.
Vin looked up as she heard a pair of guards pass the door to her cell. There was one good thing about Ruin's voice - it tended to warn her when people were nearby, even if it did always tell her to kill them. His hand shone dully in its light. No good for throttling eunuchs, but heavy enough to smash that slimy smile into a fine red ruin.
What's rare is to have a good, strong man, as opposed to a good, weak man. Those are the ones who ruin the world. Men who mean well, but buckle under others' opinions until their good intentions destroy an untold number of lives.
Just when it seems like life is getting good, something always has to come along and ruin it. Well, we all have our good days. That one bad night can ruin. The gods are strange. It is not our vices only they make instruments to scourge us. They bring us to ruin through what in us is good, gentle, humane, loving. Nothing is more false and more indiscreet than always to want to choose what mortifies us in everything. By this rule a person would soon ruin his health, his business, his reputation, his relations with his relatives and friends, in fact every good work which Providence gives him.
Don't ruin a good opportunity fixating on a bad one. We used to build temples, and museums are about as close as secular society dares to go in facing up to the idea that a good building can change your life and a bad one ruin it. Power has destroyed many people - not really. Power doesn't destroy anyone. People apply it poorly and it can ruin their lives. Power is like fire. Fire is neither good nor bad. It's how you use it.
Refuse to ruin a perfectly good today by thinking about a bad yesterday - Author: Linda Poindexter.
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